


Old Wounds Healed

by RosYourBoat



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Child Abuse, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Tarsus IV, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-17 02:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4648449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosYourBoat/pseuds/RosYourBoat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After meeting on the shuttle on the way to Starfleet Academy, Jim and Bones have spent a lot of time together. There are still many things that Bones doesn't know about Jim, but as Jim's past comes back to haunt him, all Bones knows is that he will be there to help his best friend whenever he needs him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Old Wounds Healed

**Author's Note:**

> Part of my recent excavation and expunction of all of my old fics from my hard drive to an online form, where they can be held as an indelible and inescapable memento of my past obsessions. These fics are all unbeta'd and heretofore unseen by anyone but me. I hope someone else feels some of the enjoyment I received from writing them.
> 
> "Old Wounds Healed" was written in March of 2010, and is complete.

“Aw, come on, Bones. I’m not gonna be babysat like a five-year-old. I can take care of myself!”

Bones just snorted and hitched the duffel bag higher on his shoulder. “I’ll believe that when you’re not getting yourself beaten like a rug whenever I’m not with you.”

“Hey, it’s not like it’s _my_ fault the whole bar had to get involved,” Jim said defensively. “How many times do I have to tell you? I don’t go looking for trouble; trouble just likes my fine ass.”

“Yeah, well, this time trouble landed your fine ass in the hospital for four days. If I hadn’t come by to get you for breakfast, you could’ve _died_ , Jim! Your roommate is a damn fool. ‘I thought he was just sleeping,’ my _ass_! If I was dean, I’d have him out on his ear so fast…”

Jim couldn’t help but grin when Bones continued to grumble to himself. In the hours since he’d been released from the hospital, Bones had ranted about the idiocy of everyone involved in the entire debacle at least ten times. Jim himself didn’t remember much about said debacle—the most he remembered was a hot Orion girl, her boyfriend, and an argument that quickly escalated into a shouting match before something hit the back of his head and the rest of the night was bright flashes of pain and darkness. He must’ve dragged himself back to his room and fallen asleep, because the next thing he remembered was Bones’ panicked face above him and the stench of blood and vomit on his sheets.

He woke up in the hospital nearly two days later to Bones’ weary and anxious face, overlaid with feigned exasperation. The older man hadn’t stopped growling or dogging his steps ever since. Granted, Bones probably had a good reason, Jim conceded as he shifted the bag to his left hand when his right started cramping. Apparently, Jim had stopped breathing and had fallen into a coma due to his head injury and a host of other things that had gone wrong with his body.

Instead of walking back to Jim’s room after Jim was released, Bones had informed him in a hard tone that Bones had taken the liberty of moving Jim into his personal room “to keep a better eye on you.” Jim had put up a token protest, but truthfully he didn’t mind the change. He certainly got along better with Bones than he did with his current roommate.

He and Bones had been in the Academy for nearly a year now. Between Bones’ years of medical experience allowing him to test out of the majority of his classes and Jim’s bone-deep determination, they were well on their way to completing their training in less than three years. Teachers and students alike seemed continually surprised by Jim’s single-minded dedication, but Bones hadn’t been. Never Bones. Ever since they had met on the shuttle and their strange friendship had begun, Bones had been able to see through Jim. It was both disconcerting and comforting.

Jim was brought out of his reverie when Bones cuffed the back of his head lightly. He looked up into his friend’s concerned blue eyes.

“Come on, kid, don’t just stand there like a cow chewin’ your cud. Come check out your new home,” Bones said with feigned impatience. He shoved Jim through the door of his apartment. Jim had been there before, of course, but now the quarters seemed a lot smaller with an extra bed shoved in the corner and an extra desk squeezed next to Bones’. He threw his duffel bags on his bed and collapsed onto Bones’ with a sigh.

“Looks like we’re going to get to know each other _very_ well, Bones.” The older man nudged him over and sat on the edge of the bed next to him.

“Yeah, and if I hear you complain about it I’ll stick you with a vaccine for the Regillian shakes before your next Xeno-Poli-Sci test.”

“Oh ha ha, you bastard.” Jim swiped at his arm lazily, feeling exhaustion starting to creep up on him. He still wasn’t anywhere near fully recovered, as much as it pissed him off to recognize that. He listened and made vague grunts of agreement when Bones started setting the rules of the house and by the time he got to who would use the shower first in the morning, Jim was out like a light.

Bones stopped talking when he heard the younger man’s breaths even out with sleep. He looked down at Jim sprawled across his bed and sighed, shaking his head. He didn’t doubt that this wouldn’t be the last time this happened and he wondered again whether he was making the right decision. But each time he thought about Jim’s face—bruised and bloody and too damn still in his comatose state because someone with Jim’s personality should never be that still—his chest would tighten up and he would have the most ridiculous urge to chain Jim to a tree somewhere in order to keep an eye on him. This was a much more acceptable alternative; one he hoped would assuage his anxious heart when it came to his best friend.

Jim seemed to be OK with it for now, but then again he was barely coherent yet. Give him a couple days to get his feet—and possibly a woman—under him and he would be back to normal, right as rain. Then Bones would know whether he had made the right choice.

True to form, those days passed as he had predicted, but it was actually the nights that told Bones that he had made the right decision. Jim had nightmares. From what Bones could remember during nights they had passed out in a drunken stupor, Jim was normally a pretty quiet sleeper except for some light snoring. This was something completely different.

Every night since he’d moved in, Jim would sit up in his bed gasping like he had just emerged from a raging tidal wave, sweat glistening on his skin, body wracked in shivers and sometimes tears choking his words. The first night, Bones had nearly panicked, thinking he was having a relapse of some sort. But once Jim had calmed down enough to mumble embarrassedly that he should’ve told Bones that he had a hard time sleeping sometimes, Bones realized the truth. After that, they didn’t talk about the nightmares. Bones would just get him a glass of water and sit near him, sometimes acting as a physical support for Jim to lean on. Sometimes he read from medical textbooks or from the readings they had for the Ethical Debate class they had together until Jim fell back into a dreamless sleep.

Sometimes he wondered about the names that Jim would mumble as he tossed and turned: Frank, Kevin, Tommy… mom. Bones knew about Jim’s dad—hell, anyone who walked by the Records Hall often enough on their way to class knew about George Kirk and his sacrifice for Starfleet. All Jim would say about his mother was that she had been off-world for most of his life and his step-dad was an ass. The dreams made him wonder, but he knew better than to ask.

It was just as Jim was drifting to sleep with a grateful smile on his lips like a vulnerable little kid that convinced Bones that he was doing the right thing. It was at times like this that his younger friend—who, no matter how childish he acted, had the tired, wary look of an old toughened soldier—really reminded him of his own Joanna. She would be nearly five by now, goddamn Jocelyn and her spiteful soul.

After three nights, Jim’s nights became quiet again. He had intermittent nightmares after that until six weeks later, after someone attempted to mug them on the way back from the tiny pub they frequented on Thursday nights. Jim’s proficiency as an assistant teacher for advanced defense came into play and Bones was no slouch when it came to a good old-fashioned fist-fight, but the nightmares came back that night with a vengeance.

“No… Fra-nk, you bas-trd,” Jim moaned, clenching his teeth into a grimace. From his seat at his desk, Bones looked up from the little circle of light cast by his lamp and frowned. “Get offa me, you motherfuckin’—” Bones sighed when Jim subsided into mumbles and looked down at his knuckles, rubbing over the bruised and scraped skin absently. He knew Jim had a past—hell, everyone had a past—and he knew he didn’t like the ideas these nightmares gave him, but he wouldn’t push the issue unless Jim brought it up himself.

Across the room, Jim bolted upright with a gasp, throwing off his twisted covers and holding his head in his hands. He panted into the silence before cursing. He seemed to remember where he was and looked around. He relaxed slightly when he saw Bones studying at his desk.

“Sorry, Bones,” he rasped. The doctor waved his hand dismissively and pretended like he was concentrating on the book in front of him. He was aware of Jim taking off his sweat-soaked t-shirt and fishing out a clean one from his drawer. He walked up to stand close behind Bones’ shoulder before putting it on, his heat and smell raising the hair on Bones’ arms. Jim slung an arm over Bones’ shoulder and leaned over, pressing most of his side against the older man. Bones thought it was probably an unconscious desire for physical comfort after the nightmares; he sensed that Jim hadn’t had much of that when he was a child.

“What’cha readin’?”

“New article on treatment for proteinuria,” Bones grunted.

“Read to me?”

“Not here, you moron. You know how this stuff makes you fall asleep; I’m not gonna have you drooling on my shoulder all night. Go back to bed.”

“Your cruelty wounds me, Bones.” Jim waited a moment longer before moving away and climbing into his bed. Bones felt cold. After a few long minutes of restless silence, he started reading out loud, his slow drawl filling the small room. Ten minutes of albumin-creatinine ratios and measurements of urine proteins, he heard Jim’s breath deepen into sleep. He kept reading until his eyes started to blur, then put away his books with a sigh and collapsed into his own bed. He faced Jim’s bed in the darkness and watched his calm, sleeping face until sleep overtook him as well.

* * *

Jim stood outside of the door to Ethical Debate, waiting for Bones to show up. He bounced slightly on the balls of his feet to try to see over the red stream of cadets and pick out his friend’s distinctive form. He spotted the older doctor weaving his way toward him and waved with a lazy grin. Bones paused to let a young woman pass in front of him, dipping his head in a respectful little bob that looked like it would’ve looked more natural with a hat to tip.

Jim felt a wave of affection swell up in his chest. Bones wasn’t that much older than him, really, but he had strange views and tastes that belonged to a man forty years his senior. “If all you kids had the manners of a polite Southern gentleman, you’d all be a lot happier and a lot less worried about running into the ex’s,” Bones had drawled when Jim teased him about it. Jim just swept into a gallant bow and let Bones pass through the doorway to the cafeteria first.

It was Monday and Jim was in a cheery mood. In unspoken appreciation for Bones being such a great sport putting up with his nightmares for the past three months, Jim had taken him out for a night on the town the previous night. He’d even given in to Bones’ insistence that they go to that pokey bar that plays the jazz crap that Bones likes to listen to. Jim had enjoyed the time a hell of a lot more than he would admit.

“How’s it hangin’, Bones?” Jim asked, throwing an arm around his friend when he came near and steering him into the classroom.

“Dammit, Jim, stop calling me that. I’m not in high school,” he complained, but the heat had gone out of the old protest over a year ago when he’d finally realized that Jim wasn’t going to stop calling him that. Jim thought that he secretly liked it.

“Touchy, touchy! Did that girl with the pigtails ask for her number back, or something?”

Bones made a disgusted sound. “She was at least ten years older than me. I’m not one to deny the pleasures of an older woman, but she’s been fermenting in that bar for longer than my da’s Christmas bourbon.”

“You mean the one he never opens even though he says he will?”

“Exactly.”

Jim threw back his head and laughed. He clapped Bones’ shoulder and led him to their seats in the third row, squeezing once before they sat. The professor entered and leaned against his desk in front of the room.

“OK, everyone, you know what day it is,” he said, clapping his hands together and rubbing them excitedly. “The end of semester is two weeks away and you need to get your topics for your final projects. Since there are so many of you, we only have time for a few of you to actually present your debate in class; the rest of you have to record it on holovid for me. And don’t try to cheat! I want raw footage—no retakes to make yourself look better, and believe me, I can tell the difference.

“Now, your topics have been sent to your student accounts. You can check them now and see who your group members are, then you’ll spend the rest of the time today planning everything out. Don’t forget to work with your opposite group! Your topic will tell you whether you’re pro or con and when you’re presenting…”

There was the sound of clicking and tapping underneath his talking while everyone turned on their computer at their desk. Jim leaned over. “Here’s hoping we’re not landed with—” he made a thumbing motion at the girl two seats in front of him and made a face. She was always wound tighter than a Harvey top and tried to turn everything into a crusade for women’s rights. Bones rolled his eyes.

“Jim, there are nearly forty people in this class. The odds that we’ll be put in the same group is—”

“Aw, come on, don’t be so negative. Have a little faith, Bones.” He opened his personal mail on his computer and checked the message that had arrived from his teacher. He automatically scrolled down to the bottom first to see who was in his group, disappointed when he didn’t see Bones’ name on either the pro or con side. At least he didn’t get Susan B. Anthony. Then he scrolled back up to the top and the bottom dropped out of his stomach.

 

 

 

> **In** **2246** **the** **colony** **world of** **Tarsus IV** **was the site of severe crop blight. An exotic** **fungus** **destroyed most of the food supply, and then-Governor** **Kodos** **was faced with a grim calculus: by rationing the food he could save half the 8000 colonists and visitors until resupply, but only if the other half stopped consuming supplies -- completely and immediately.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Feeling he had to act quickly and decisively to save the colony (and in the process cutting off other possible options), Kodos and his supporters overthrew the democratic structures of the colony's government and used his personal theories of** **eugenics** **to sort the colonists into two halves -- one "more necessary" for survival, one "less necessary". In an act for which history has dubbed him** **Kodos the Executioner** **, Kodos ordered the "less necessary" half be put to death.**
> 
> **Was Kodos justified in his decree? If he were alive today, what would be his status? What else could have been done by the people involved?**
> 
> **You are assigned to be on the PRO side. You will be presenting IN CLASS on APRIL 23, 2256.**

 

His mouth was dry. His heart was pounding in his ears, making it difficult to hear Bones when he reached over to give him a shake. Numbly, he reached out and shut down his computer.

“Jim. Jim? What the hell’s wrong with you?” Bones’ annoyed voice sounded next to his ear and he jerked. He seemed to land back in his body and found that he was breathing fast and a cold sweat had broken out on his body. He felt pale, light-headed, and shaky.

“I-I’m fine, Bones,” he said faintly, shaking off his friend’s hand. Other students were getting up and gravitating into groups. Someone up near the front in a small group of cadets was waving a hand in the air. “Any other Kodos people? Kirk? Uh, Ah’reejdheel?” He was calling, stumbling over the foreign name of the Indian girl making her way toward him. Jim felt a sudden rush of anger and he clenched his fist, standing up abruptly.

“Woah there, Jim! Now what’s going on? Are you alright?” Bones said, starting to look concerned.

“Later,” Jim ground out. He stalked up to the teacher, trying to reign in his temper. “Is this a joke?” He demanded.

The man’s eyes widened behind his glasses and his face blanked with confusion. “I’m sorry? What seems to be the problem, Cadet Kirk?”

“Nothing _seems_ to be a problem; there _is_ a problem. Where the hell do you get off assigning _me_ to Kodos? And on the _pro_ side? Is this some kind of sick joke to you?”

The professor’s face hardened. “Mr. Kirk, I’m sure I don’t know what’s going on here, but you will not speak to me in that manner or I will have you out of here faster than your head can spin. Do you understand me?”

Jim tightened his lips and said nothing, his face pale.

“I said: do you understand me, cadet?”

“Yes sir. I apologize, sir,” he bit out.

“Now, from what I understood you were trying to say, you have some sort of problem with your topic. They were assigned by a random generator, but I understand that Tarsus in particular was a disturbing event. If you have a particular sensitivity to it, I can certainly arrange for you to switch—”

“No, sir,” Jim broke in. He wasn’t about to let a class assignment get under his skin. “I’m sorry, sir, I believe there was a misunderstanding. There’s no need for you to switch me to another group.”

The professor gave him an assessing look. “Are you sure?”

“Yes sir, I’m sure. I’ll just go to my group now. Thank you, sir.”

“Carry on, cadet.”

Jim turned smartly and headed to the corner where his group huddled. He caught Bones watching him from his group on the other side of the room, but he glanced away. He cursed himself inwardly for a fool. Of course the professor hadn’t singled him out; the whole Tarsus experience was locked up in his file, far away from someone of his pay grade. There was no way he could know about it. No one knew about it except those involved. Even the kids hadn’t known his real name.

No. No one knew.

And he refused to buckle under a lousy assignment about something that had happened ten years ago. He had survived. Others hadn’t. The same story had happened countless times through the history of mankind; that’s how everyone else saw it. He could, too, for two weeks.

* * *

“Jim, what was going on in there? You looked like you’d seen a ghost!” Bones demanded after class, fighting to keep up with him in the crowd of students. Jim debated lying outright, but his friend didn’t deserve that. It wasn’t Bones’ fault that Jim couldn’t keep things in the past.

“My topic just hit a little close to home, that’s all,” he said evasively. “I’m fine now, Bones. Don’t worry about it.”

“I got the ‘letting more aliens in Starfleet’ one, pro. What’d you get?”

“Tarsus IV. Was Kodos the Executioner really just a good guy with a bad political platform? I’m on the ‘good guy’ side.”

“God,” Bones said with disgust. “What an awful topic for a school debate. That was only, what, ten years ago? Did you have family there?”

Jim nodded. “My aunt and her family were killed.”

Bones stopped short in the middle of the hall, people swerving around him with pointed glares to avoid hitting him. Jim paused too and looked back at him, trying to keep his expression as bland as possible. It was hard, especially since Bones had never had a problem seeing right through him when he least wanted it. “Lord, Jim, why didn’t you switch your topic? You don’t need to put yourself through that kind of hell for a school assignment! Is that why you went up to the teacher? Did he say no? That bastard!”

Jim had to shake his head and smile at that. He went back to Bones’ side and pulled on his arm to get them walking again. “Relax, Bones. Yeah, I went up to get my topic switched, but then I decided not to. This is just something I have to do. I can’t explain it better than that.”

Bones gave him a long look. “You’ve always had a funny way of thinking, kid.” He said finally, but he seemed to give up on the idea of convincing Jim to change his topic. Later that night, though, when the nightmares came, Bones sat at his bedside and handed him a glass with a splash of brandy and kept a comforting hand on his shoulder until he fell back asleep. Jim was pretty sure that he loved Bones then.

Two weeks later, Jim fidgeted impatiently next to the library steps while he waited for Bones to show up so that they could go home. Students flowed around him in a red stream, some calling out in recognition.

“Hey, Kirk, you waiting for your girlfriend?”

“Lookin’ for a quickie, Kirk?”

Jim always shrugged and waggled his eyebrows with a devilish grin. His reputation as a manwhore didn’t normally bother him, but sometimes it could be bothersome. He had a flirty, touchy personality and people tended to reach their own conclusions without much evidence. Truthfully, he didn’t have time to screw around if he wanted to graduate in his time frame. He barely had enough time to relax with Bones, much less go cruising for a quick lay.

It always pissed Bones off when he heard the rumors, but Jim just laughed. It was human nature, he said, for people not to see what was right in front of them.

A hand landed on his shoulder and he just stopped himself from jumping. “God, Jim, you look like a train ran you over. You OK?”

“I’m fine, _mom_ ,” Jim said with a grin. He couldn’t help himself; his best friend had a way of relaxing him that no one else ever had in his life.

“Yeah, well, you need a mom. How long has it been since you’ve had a full night’s sleep? I should hypo you and drag you to the med building to get some proper rest.” Jim just slung an arm over Bones’ shoulder and ignored his grumbling. The ever-watchful doctor knew exactly how little he’d been sleeping since he was up with him most of the time, but he hadn’t hypo’d Jim... yet.

His nightmares had gotten worse since he had started this project. He hadn’t thought this much about the events on Tarsus IV since he had been in the middle of it and it showed. Bones wasn’t really kidding about the hypo. He figured he needed to get some more sleep, eat some more, and lose the rings under his eyes before Bones took action.

“Hey, where are we goin’ tonight?” he interrupted.

“I don’t know. Same place as usual?”

“Nah, I want something a bit more exciting. We haven’t hit up the _Black Box_ lately, let’s go there.” The reason why they didn’t go there very often was because it was a borderline gay club, but Jim was feeling on edge. He decided that a little recklessness was healthy for someone his age.

Bones gave him a slightly doubtful look, but shrugged. They never talked about their sexuality outright, but Jim figured that Bones would have to be blind and stupid not to have guessed that he was bi. Jim honestly wasn’t sure whether Bones was bi or if he just came along for the ride. Or to keep Jim out of trouble. He had seen Bones talking to one of the men at the bar the last time they had gone to the _Box_ , but the doctor had only ever gone out with women—hell, he’d been _married_ to one, despite how it had gone ass-up—and he wasn’t the one-night stand kind of guy, either.

Jim shrugged mentally. Bones had said yes and that was all that mattered. He was going to spend the night having fun and not thinking about tomorrow at all.

They each took turns in the shower when they reached their rooms and Jim sauntered out with just a towel over his shoulder. Bones looked up from his position on his bed—already dressed in the snug dark jeans and white wifebeater under a blue unbuttoned top that Jim secretly loved—and immediately blushed and rolled his eyes.

“Would you get dressed? What if someone knocked on our door?”

“Then the lucky bastard would get the show of his life. You just don’t want me to set off any fire alarms, Bones,” Jim teased, giving his ass a little shake as he walked to his bed where he had already laid out his outfit.

“Oh for the love of—shut up, Jim,” Bones groaned, turning his attention back to the book he was reading. The jeans went straight on Jim’s hips, bypassing underwear, and the socks and boots followed. Lastly, the tight white undershirt with the black tee went over his head. He grabbed some mousse and ran it through his hair to complete the look before turning to Bones.

“Well?” He said with his arms held out. “What are we waiting for?”

        Pretty typical of him, really.

        The next morning was typical, too. Bones had made him suffer through his morning routine with the splitting headache and nausea until half an hour before they left for class. By then he was so grateful for the detox hypospray that he didn't even complain that Bones was a bit more harsh than usual in applying it to his neck. What wasn't typical was Bones' strange silence as they went to class together. Not that he was normally a chatty man by any means--he said that people who talked too much were trying to sell something--but he usually had a sardonic word or two to add to Jim's flowing commentary. In turn it left too many silent pauses in the conversation for Jim's mind to turn to the debate he was giving later that day. 

        He really began to wonder what he had done last night. Maybe Bones was mad at him for something.

        There wasn't time to hash it out before debate class. They filed into the classroom and Jim split off from Bones to sit at the pro table at the front. Bones and his group had recorded their debate already (he had refused to tell Jim where they were filming so Jim couldn't interrupt) and turned it in while Jim's group was last to present in class. Feeling unnaturally grim, Jim greeted his team members with a nod.

        They began when they were all seated in their proper places and the teacher had indicated they could start. One of Jim's team members stood up first and introduced the debate, then followed by his counterpart on the con side. Jim had chosen the smallest part possible and his knew his team members thought he was a lazy jerk, but he frankly didn't care. They were lucky he even bothered to show up today.

        Jim tuned back in when his name was mentioned. Not his name, specifically, but his name... back then. 

        "As part of his eugenics campaign, Kodos killed the parents of children he deemed 'gifted.'" A bookish girl was saying on the con side. "He had even named one of the children--only known as 'JT'--as his favorite. It was only by the actions of this young boy that twenty other children who rebelled were able to survive in the wilderness outside of the colony city. A child of barely thirteen was forced to play a double agent in order to take care of the children whose parents had been murdered. Does this sound like the actions of a just..."

        Jim felt the blood drain from his face and swallowed hard. He hadn't known that they knew so much about him. He hadn't allowed himself to keep in touch with the children he had helped. He didn't even know how many of them had survived. Once they had taken him to be punished the last time, two weeks before The Rescue, he had never seen them again. Apparently enough of them had lived to tell the story about the child "JT" (he had been called Jimmy up until then, but when it became clear that a leader needed to be chosen, he had substituted a tougher facade), who they assumed had been captured and killed by Kodos at last. 

        He thought that it was probably for the best that the past remained dead. For all of them.

        At last, it was his turn. He stood up and spoke about Kodos' quick thinking, his ability to make a difficult decision with confidence, his commitment to keep the colony alive in time for help to arrive despite the consequences... The vile lies were dragged from Jim's mouth jerkily in a monotonous drone until he sat down. His team members looked at him strangely--one looked downright pissed--but he didn't care anymore. His part was done and the debate ended quickly after that. The teacher kept them up front while he had the rest of the class critique their work. Jim stared at the table beneath his hands and tuned it all out. He didn't look at Bones.

        He was roused by a rustle of interest that swept through the classroom. He looked up and saw the teacher near the door talking to a guy only a couple years older than him with dark hair and glasses. He wasn't wearing a red uniform or any uniform at all, which meant that he was most likely a civilian. Jim nudged the guy next to him.

        "Hey, who's that?"

        The kid gave him a disgusted look. "Don't you listen at all, Kirk? Teacher just said he's Thomas Leighton, one of the six people to see Kodos' face. Ring a bell? You  _were_  doing this project with us, right?"

        Jim ignored him, his whole body going cold. His heart seemed to stop. 

         _Tom._

        "What's  _he_  doing here?" Kirk whispered to himself, stunned.

        "He was supposed to watch our debate, moron. Thank God he was late."

        He had known that Tom, at least, had survived. He had been a weak-willed sort of kid; three years older than Jim but unwilling to take charge. He was strong and healthy but he preferred to help the younger children and keep their spirits up. He had wet himself more than once when Kodos' soldiers had come close to their hidden cave. Now that Jim saw him, he saw that Tom was still skinny and frail-looking with a weak chin, but he stood tall and confident where he'd once been stooped and trembling. Jim felt an odd feeling of pride for him. He looked away, weirded out. You weren't supposed to feel fatherly toward someone three years older than you. 

        The teacher invited Tom to speak and sat down. Jim wished that he was sitting in the faceless crowd of students rather than sitting up front.

        "As you all know, my name is Thomas Leighton. You can call me Tom, since I'm probably the same age or younger than most of you." Tom's smile was friendly and engaging. He had always been good with the kids, Jim remembered. "I apologize for missing most of your class, but when my boss says 'jump,' I have to say 'how high?' I'm finishing my residency to become a pediatrician and I barely have time to eat sometimes. Anyway, Ken here had asked me to come speak to you for a little bit about my perspective on the events of Tarsus IV and Kodos the Executioner. I'm one of only six survivors who saw his face and spoke personally with him.

        "I was only fifteen at the time, one of the oldest children to be Chosen to live, but I was nerdy and shy. When we escaped from the city and became refugees living in the forest, I wouldn't have been able to survive if it hadn't been for our leader. JT was a few years younger than me, but he was the strongest person I have ever met, both before and since. But I'll get to that later. First, my parents and older sister and I had come to Tarsus IV six years before the crops died. My father had moved there in order to work for Governor Sides, who was Kodos' predecessor..."

        As Tom continued speaking, Jim drifted into his thoughts. He hadn't thought so much about those horrific months since he had returned to Earth and couldn't sleep in his bed for weeks at a time for fear that Kodos would find him and kill him. There were still times that he was sure that Kodos was still out there. He could just feel it. 

        It didn't matter. He wasn't a little kid anymore and he could handle himself, despite the memories.

        "I know you all probably haven't heard of JT. Not only did the history books deem him unimportant, but the survivors under his care simply held too much respect for him to let him be dragged out into the media. He saved our lives and our sanity more times than I can count during the months that we lived in the forest trying to survive while Kodos' men searched for us. He was only twelve or thirteen at the time and he had been Kodos' favorite. His mind was exceptional, off the charts, genius level, even, and Kodos wanted to keep him as close as a son. This gave him enough leeway to work behind Kodos' back.

        "First he helped three children escape; the strongest ones that he knew could help prepare a spot for the rest to live and hide. Then he helped two more escape. I was with the third group. I don't know how he managed it, but he had rigged the security sensors so that they wouldn't register us escaping. They didn't find out until morning that we were gone, but by then we were long gone. According to JT's coded instructions, we found the place he had prepared for us: a tiny hole in the rock that led to a dry, sandy grotto inside a rocky hillside. The ground had already been swept and cleared and there was bedding and shelving for food and a river near the back entrance. It was like paradise. 

        "Before Kodos knew it, twenty children had vanished beneath his nose and couldn't be found anywhere. Once he began to suspect JT, it was all over. I don't know what happened to JT when Kodos found out, but we didn't see him again for two weeks and when he was released he was under guard at all times. Despite that, he was still able to help eight more children escape. He was punished heavily each time. He finally escaped himself when he was still supposed to be recuperating and he managed to make it back to us, where he stayed until Kodos' men finally caught him two weeks before The Rescue. He didn't tell us about what happened to him while he was under Kodos' care, but we had seen enough of him bathing to know that it wasn't even close to--"

        Jim couldn't take it anymore. He stood up abruptly and left the room, muttering an "Excuse me, sir," under his breath as he passed his teacher. He caught a glimpse of Tom giving him a strange look before he was out in the hall and down around the corner. He left the building and squinted in the sunlight, turning right and leaning against the sun-warmed stone of the building. He slid down until he sat with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, trying to breathe deeply and empty his mind.

        Damn Kodos. And damn Tom, too, for that matter. 

        "Dammit, Jim, what's wrong with you?" Jim looked up, already knowing that he would see Bones, hands on hips and standing over him with a worried scowl on his face. Jim sighed and tilted his head back until it hit the wall. 

        "Just needed some air."

        Bones snorted. "In a pig's eye."

        To Jim's surprise, Bones sat next to him instead of yanking him back into class and telling him how stupid he was. "What, no lecture? You're mellowing in your old age," Jim couldn't help it and he smiled faintly when Bones punched his shoulder.

        "Shut up, you brat. I'm trying to be supportive; you were practically hyperventilating in there." Jim sobered at the reminder and closed his eyes. "Jim, this is obviously affecting you more than normal. Didn't your mom get you some kind of counseling once you found out about your aunt's family?"

        Jim shook his head. "She was off-world the whole time. By the time she came back, Frank had her convinced that I was dealing with it just fine. The bastard."  
        They sat in silence for nearly twenty minutes before students started leaving the building in a stream as classes ended. Bones nudged him. "Come on, class is over. Let's go get our stuff."

        "Think he'll fail me?"

        "Maybe. If not for the ass of a job you did on your debate then for walking out in the middle of an emotional speech. You didn't tell him about your aunt dying on Tarsus IV, after all."

        "I wasn't going to use that as an excuse to piss off on my assignment."

        "And see where that got you."

        "Who are you, my mother?"

        "Hell no. I like to think I take care of you a hell of a lot better than she ever did."

        Jim stopped and stared despite the crowd of cadets that flowed around them. Bones looked like he could have kicked himself but he met Jim's eyes unwaveringly. He didn't apologize. For some reason, that made Jim smile.

        "Yeah, you're probably right about that... mom." He walked right past Bones' frozen form and opened the door to their classroom.

        "You watch it, James Tiberius Kirk, or so help me--"

        Jim's laugh was cut off as they nearly ran into Tom and Professor Kindle. Kindle started saying something--probably about him failing the class--but Jim wasn't listening. His eyes were locked with Tom's, who had a strange expression on his face again. Tom made a jerky movement of his arm as if he was going to touch Jim and see if he was real.

        "I-I'm sorry, but you look..." He stopped and stared again. "Just like him," he murmured, his eyes roving intensely over Jim's face, especially his eyes. Jim couldn't seem to get his mouth to work; he just stood and stared back like a stupified cow. "Older, of course, but..." Tom's eyes studdenly sharpened and he glanced over at Bones and back to Jim. "James Tiberius. JT?"

        Their whole group seemed to freeze and Jim's mouth finally chose that moment to unstick itself. "You're taller than I remember, Tommy boy. You finally hit that growth spurt you wanted?" As if no time had passed at all and he had just returned from checking the traps. Tom laughed incredulously, tears springing to his eyes.

        "And then some. Oh my God, JT!" Then he was hugging Jim so tightly that he could barely breathe and Jim was hugging back just as tightly and he may have felt some prickling at the corners of his eyes as well.

        "Hello, Tom," he said quietly. 

        "My God. You sound exactly the same. For the love of God, JT, we all thought you were dead! Hell, they  _still_  think you're dead!"

        "They?" Jim asked.

        "The rest of the kids. After we all met up again on Earth--they put us all in counseling; you know how the government is when they make a mistake--and you weren't there, we thought that you had been sent to a different place. But we never heard about you in the news and no one else knew about you and none of us had seen you on the ships back to Earth. We didn't know your real name... It was like you'd never existed. We could only assume that Kodos had finally killed you."

        "He certainly tried," Jim said darkly. 

        "How did you survive? Where were you?"

        "My mom has a sensitive position in Starfleet and she didn't want me dragging our family into the limelight again. Once they found me, they took me on a separate ship. They wouldn't tell me anything about any of you and I wasn't allowed to see you. I thought most of you had been caught or killed."

        Tom looked enraged. "They Erased you? Those bastards! The littlest kids cried for days when we had to tell them that you'd died. Especially Kev."

        "Kevin? He made it? I thought his pneumonia would finish him for sure. I couldn't get you guys medicine."

        "He made it. He got a little better and you trained us well enough that we were able to survive until The Rescue. Didn't you trust us? You were only gone for two weeks."

        Jim blinked. "Two weeks? Was that all it was? It felt like months."

        "Wait a goddamned minute here," Bones broke in. "Jim, you told me just your aunt and her family was killed on Tarsus IV!"

        Jim shrugged defensively. "It's true; Kodos did kill them. I just didn't tell you I was there, too."

        "Why didn't you say anything?" Kindle finally found the voice to demand. "The system was supposed to search for these things before topics were assigned. I would have never given that topic to you otherwise."

        "Sir, Tarsus IV has been completely wiped from my record. With all due respect, it would've taken a security clearance a hell of a lot higher than yours to find that information."

        Tom chuckled. "Still as brash as ever, I see. My God, it's good to see you."

        "I never thought I would see any of you again," Jim said. "I'd guessed that you had survived--you were too damn smart not to--but the others..." He shook his head.

        "You should tell them. I have all of their numbers; we still meet every so often to keep in touch." Jim was already shaking his head and Tom spoke faster, pleading with his eyes. "They would love to see you again, JT, you have no idea! Especially Kevin, you know how much he looked up to you. My God, he's seventeen now!"

        "No. No, Tom, I won't do it. There's one thing my mom was right about; our family doesn't need this kind of media frenzy again. Kodos is dead and in the past for everyone, there's no need to bring up those kind of memories. We're all past it now."

        "Really? What about you?" Tom gave him a knowing look and grasped his arm, turning them away from their riveted audience. "You forget that I'm older than you, JT. The younger kids might have been fooled by the face you put on for us, but I knew what that look in your eyes meant. And let me tell you something: your eyes look exactly the same now as they did ten years ago. It's like barely a  _day_  has passed for you. You need some closure, JT. You need to see that it's over! The bastard's dead and gone and he can't hurt you anymore."

        Jim pulled away, pulling himself up to his full height. He was still shorter that Tom, but he could still intimidate him. "Look, I appreciate it, but you don't have to worry about me. I was taking care of myself a hell of a lot longer than Tarsus. I don't need you to tell me about how to cope."  
        Tom held up his hands in a gesture of surrender, but he nodded over Jim's shoulder. "Alright, alright. I have a feeling you'll be getting a personal counseling session of your own later anyway."

        Jim looked over at Bones--who looked like he was itching to haul Jim back to their room for a work over--and grimaced. "You have no idea."

        Tom stepped forward and held his hand out to Bones. "Sorry I haven't introduced myself properly. I'm Tom Leighton, one of JT's cohorts in the jungles of Tarsus."

        "McCoy. Leonard McCoy," Bones drawled, still watching Jim out of the corner of his eye. "I guess you could say I'm Jim's new mother."

        "Good. Lord knows he needs one." They shared an understanding look. Jim groaned.

        By mutual consent, they decided to show Tom around the Academy, leaving Professor Kindle stunned and sputtering behind them. As they walked, they tried to catch up with one another.

        "Like I said, most of us went to counseling for about a year," Tom said while they crossed the campus. "Libby--the ten-year-old, remember?--ended up killing herself two years later. She had seen her whole family killed in the gas chambers and she'd never gotten over it. The rest turned out OK for the most part. They were already more mature and intelligent than others their age--Kodos was right about that--and some of them didn't even have their immediate family killed. I think Kevin has already enlisted in Starfleet since he passed the entrance exam last year but I don't know whether he's here or not."

        "Whereas you became a pediatrician," Jim said, grinning. "Why am I not surprised?"

        Tom shrugged. "I never was the 'go get 'em' type. I'll leave all the dangerous responsibility stuff to you. Although, I hadn't thought that you'd want to be in Starfleet considering... well, everything."

        "I didn't until three years ago. Then someone... helped me change my mind. I'm planning to graduate soon."

        "If anyone could become a captain in three years, it would be you. Damn, you almost make me want to be on your ship. You know that if you ever became a captain, any of us kids would be proud to serve under you; we practically have already."

        "I already have a chief medical officer, thanks," Jim laughed, clapping Bones on the back. "Bones here has had that place since I met him."

        "God help me," Bones muttered.

        "Well, JT, I've got to head back to work. This day has been incredible; this is the last place on Earth I thought I would find you, if you were even alive at all. Are you sure you don't want me to tell the others?"

        "Yeah, I am," he said simply. "But I'm glad I saw you again, Tom. You've helped... ease my mind on a lot of things."

        Tom reached out to grasp his shoulder. "Don't forget; he's dead and gone. He can't touch you. There's no reason for you to hold on to him anymore." 

        They watched Tom leave. Wordlessly, Jim turned back to their apartment and started walking. Bones followed.

        "Jim," he said urgently. "Jim! For God's sake, will you--"

        "Not now!" Jim bit out. They remained silent on the rest of the walk back to their room. Once inside, Jim went straight to his hidden stash of booze and selected a bottle of the hard stuff. He poured them two glasses, downed one, and poured another. He slumped onto his bed. He downed the second glass and reached for the bottle again. Bones took it out of his hands.

        "What are you doing? Do you want to drink yourself to death or kill your liver?"

        "Bones, you don't want me sober for this conversation. And if you think you do, you're an idiot." 

        The older man blinked. He poured Jim half a glass and set the bottle down with a clink on the table. He picked up his own glass and sat next to Jim on the bed before taking a mouthful. "Well, either way, you're doing it wrong. Whiskey this fine isn't meant to be drunk like water."

        They drank in silence. Bones was starting to feel a pleasant fuzziness when Jim finally decided he was drunk enough to start talking.

        "Libby had nightmares, you know. Terrible nightmares, almost as bad as mine. The people who were being killed figured out what was going on pretty quick, especially when Kodos made his pretty little speech about the 'greater good.' They didn't go peacefully into the gas chambers. They tried to fight back. Libby's family tried to fight back, but all that got them was shot right in front of their daughter and tossed into the chambers anyway. But d'you know the worst part about it, Bones? They didn't have to die! Libby didn't have to kill herself! If Kodos had just waited six months and tried to ration out the rest of the food to everyone, we would've all lived. It was all for nothing!"

        Jim barked out a laugh. "Y'know, I didn't really know my aunt or her family very well. We'd probably met once before they were killed. By Kodos, the sick, ice-cold bastard. Bastard. Just like Frank. Y'know about Frank, right, Bones?"

        "Not really," Bones drawled. "You don't talk about him much."

        "What's there to talk about? He's a bastard, just like Kodos. I mean, you're a smart guy, right Bones?"

        "I s'pose so. Compared to some people."

        "Y'know why I hate Frank, right? You're a smart guy, you can figure out. You're a doctor; I know you've seen the scars. I had some o' them a long time before Kodos got a hold of me. I must have a sign on my back: 'Lay 'em on me! I c'n take it!' I'm a good punching bag. Ah, but now... now, I can punch back." He smiled drunkenly and raised his glass in a toast. He didn't seem to notice that it was empty.

        Bones stayed silent, stunned. He had suspected Jim had been abused, but he'd never expected him to admit it.

        "It was good to see Tom. Weird as hell, but kinda good. Never really sure if he'd survived or not. C'n see why he was sup-sur-surprised to see me here. After Dad... and mom. My mom's sick, you know? She runs away to the stars where her husband died t'get closer to him and away from his son. I look too much like him, see. On my birthday... the day he died, you know... she wouldn't look at me. Not once. I guess I get it. Damn, it hurt when I was a kid, though. Didn't get it then."

        By then, Jim had slumped further and further down until he was practically in Bones' lap. Jim squinted up at him. "Y'now what? My life kinda sucked. A lot. Until I came here and met you. You're a good guy. A good friend. You get me. I dunno why you wanna be friends with me, but I'm hap-py 'cause you are. 'Cept... 'cept, Bones?"

        "Yeah?"

        "You ever wanna... be  _more_  than friends sometimes?" 

        "Yeah... sometimes." Bones replied without thinking.

        "Hmm..." Jim murmured, leaning up. "Yeah, me too." He pressed their lips together in a light, uncoordinated kiss. He pulled back and then they kissed again, deeper this time. Jim sighed into Bones' mouth and pulled back, burrowing into the older man's neck and clinging to him. 

        "I think I love you," Jim mumbled. "Nev'r felt that b'fore. D'know what t'do 'bout it. 'Sweird."

        The doctor froze. He wasn't nearly drunk enough to deal with this. Luckily--or maybe unluckily, he thought with a twinge of disappointment--he didn't have to, since Jim had fallen asleep wrapped around him. With a sigh, Bones laid them both down on Jim's bed and covered them with a blanket against his better judgment. They slept.

* * *

        Surprisingly little changed as a result of the revelations. Neither one of them were able to talk about the issue sober and they still had end-of-year exams to complete. The upcoming semester would hopefully be their last, and then... Who knew? Jim had more nightmares than normal in the weeks following Tom's visit. They only thing different was that Bones now knew what they were about. Sometimes, when the anonymity of the darkness allowed the perfect mixture of surrealism and secrecy, Jim would talk. Bones would listen. And sometimes, even more rarely, they would share a bed together. To sleep. 

        Then, near the end of their last semester, Nero happened. Suddenly Vulcan was gone, Jim was captain of a brand new starship, he had saved Earth, and many of his peers were now his subordinates. His head was still reeling as they limped along back to Earth under impulse power. All was quiet for now and the crew was alternately resting and busily making what repairs they could. With Pike deep in a healing sleep in sickbay, he wasn't sure whether Spock would retake command, but the Vulcan wasn't making any moves in that direction, so Jim mentally shrugged and went with the flow. There wasn't much he could do in the capacity of captain, but he helped make what repairs he could and coordinated the delicate landing they would have to make back at Earth with Sulu and Scotty. By then Bones had caught up with him and forced him into sickbay. 

        "Come on, Bones, do we have to do this now? We'll be back at Earth in five hours," he complained, but didn't protest when his friend pushed him onto the cot in the CMO's office. 

        "All the more reason to do it now," Bones shot back. "You've been running on nothing but adrenaline and energy hypos for the past thirty-six hours,  _Captain._ You're close to dropping from exhaustion; you need to sleep. Doctor's orders."

        "Oh, so now you're playing doctor, huh? Kinky," Jim laughed dryly, but it was forced. His eyes felt like they had been poached in their sockets and he was aching in places he didn't even know existed. He had been choked by so many people in the last day (mostly by insanely-strong Romulans or Vulcans) that he could barely move his neck. He knew that he probably looked bad considering the looks he was getting when he walked through the corridors. And the look he was getting from Bones now.

        "Come on. Take off your shirt; I know your ribs've been bothering you." 

        Without further protest, Jim peeled out of his black undershirt with the older man's help, wincing as his ribs stretched and creaked. He sat back, breathing shallowly to avoid further pain.

        "My God, Jim, you moron," Bones muttered when he saw the deep black and blue that covered Jim's torso, neck, and arms, disappearing under his pants. He sighed and got to work. He hypo'd Jim to dull the pain and probed his chest carefully to check for damage. One rib was broken and three more cracked while the rest of him was as bruised internally as he was on the outside. Bones ran a scanner over his body, noted the results, and finally gave him a couple more shots before wrapping his ribs firmly. He helped Jim maneuver on his back to sleep and covered him with a thick blanket.

        "Sleep, Jim," he said quietly, smoothing his hand over Jim's disordered hair. "I'll make sure you're awake when we get to Earth."

        "Hmm... OK, Bonesy," Jim smiled dreamily. He reached up, wrapped his hand around the back of Bones' neck, and pulled him down for a kiss. "You're the best."

        He was asleep within seconds. Bones sat at his bedside and just watched him, despite the fact that his makeshift sickbay was full of patients. The nurses could handle it for a while. He wasn't surprised when not long after he fell asleep, Jim began to toss and turn. He muttered to himself in his nightmares and Bones tried to soothe him as best as he could. He stroked Jim's hair and cheek, whispering low comforting words, and kissed him softly just next to his mouth. Jim quieted after that.

        Bones straightened and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw the tall silhouette in the doorway. He scowled when he realized it was Spock.

        "Well?" He asked gruffly, but he kept his voice quiet and didn't move his hand from Jim's. 

        It was obvious that the Vulcan's keen eyes hadn't missed Bones' tender behavior, but Spock's expression was as smooth as ever when he said, "I was informed that you had taken the captain to sickbay for treatment. Is he well?"

        "As well as he can be after the day we've all had. He'll be fine. Vulcans, Romulans, ice monsters, and death-defying stunts are pretty much par for the course for him." The CMO reached over to straighten the blanket from where Jim had moved it in his restlessness. Spock's eyes were riveted on Jim's badly bruised body. 

        "I see. He does seem to have the tendency to stumble into the worst possible circumstances."

        They shared an understanding look and Bones chuckled dryly. "Usually by choice. He doesn't take time to think; he just charges ahead with whatever he thinks is right."

        "Nero," Jim muttered in his sleep and his brow furrowed. Bones squeezed his hand again.

        "Does he often suffer from nightmares?" Spock asked with something like curiosity. Bones was starting to wonder what the hell he was doing here. Didn’t he have some more important things to do? He just grunted in response. Spock hesitated for a long moment before speaking again. "There is a Vulcan technique... it is meant to soothe small children during the night when they are troubled by irrational fears. Before they have learned the proper control, of course," he added just a fraction too quickly. It occurred to Bones that the Vulcan might be nervous, or at least uncertain.

        "D-damn you, Kodos... you bast'rd... Nero," Jim clenched his teeth and rolled his head back and forth restlessly. Bones shot a sharp glance at Spock, but he was as placid as usual. He merely raised an eyebrow. 

        "Fascinating. I had heard rumors that a seventh eyewitness to Kodos' atrocities had been found. I am somehow unsurprised by his identity." He moved forward with his hand outstretched in a strange conformation and Bones blocked him with a glare.

        "Now wait just one damn minute, mister; what the hell are you doing?"

        Spock gave him a look that seemed to say that he was an idiot. "Clearly, Jim has greater need for a restful sleep than I had assumed and your beads and rattles clearly won't alleviate this particular brand of pain. Would you deny your lover a healing rest at this time?"

        "Beads and rattles?" Bones sputtered indignantly, but another look at Jim's tortured expression made his shoulders drop. He took Jim's hand again and sighed. Finally, he nodded in consent. "We're not lovers," he muttered, just to make a point. Spock gave him another look that promised that if he could roll his eyes, he would. The Vulcan stepped to Jim's bedside and placed his fingers against Jim's face. He closed his eyes and made a sound somewhat between a hum and a purr that rose and fell in a vaguely musical fashion. Bones noticed Jim relax and fall into a deeper sleep, the lines of distress smoothed from his face. He found his own eyelids drooping in response and shook himself to stay awake. 

        Spock stopped and removed his hand. "He will sleep soundly until you wake him. We will arrive at Earth in 3.83 hours."

        "Where we'll have to deal with the media circus as well as giving our full reports and working our way through the red tape," Bones grumbled. "All of which will be easier for him to handle now that he'll get some sleep. Thanks," he said reluctantly. Spock nodded in acknowledgement and left. 

        Bones sat by his best friend again. "Well, Jim, you wouldn't believe it. You made the pointy-eared bastard worried about you. Next thing you know, we'll all be best friends." He chuckled at his joke. "Yeah, right!"

 

**Author's Note:**

> Liked my writing? You might like my Tumblr. rosyourboat.tumblr.com


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